Have you ever taken a close look at the words marriage intimacy? Lets first look at the word intimacy, broken down it looks like into me see! It is a spouse who stops, listens and sees into their mate; looking at who they are deep down inside and how God has made them!!
Intimacy is allowing others to see what is inside of you, including your spouse. That’s a scary idea. Practicing intimacy with your spouse is all about learning to be transparent. The only way we are going to learn to be transparent ourselves is by practicing acceptance of them.
Marriage Intimacy Can Be Either Joyful or a Heartache.
Most husbands don’t realize that their wives have a greater need for friendships than they do. The connection that wives need in a relationship runs deep.
On the other hand, husbands want to go out and have fun, whereas wives want to get to know more about you. Also, they love to spend quality time together, like shopping, but they want to talk while doing it!t!
Girls are naturally drawn to be friends initially. A girl’s initial expertise with heartbreak is over losing a “best friend” instead of a “boyfriend.” once wives lose friendships with their husband, they grieve laboriously.
They grieve for the relationship; the secrets shared, the trust built and the acceptance we enjoyed. If betrayed, the pain runs deep. Nobody will cause you a lot of hurt than somebody you’ve trusted deeply.
This is why I always say it’s dangerous too hurt a woman ~Rachale Kelley
When in school your best friend knew who you were afraid of and who you secretly liked. She knew you still had Barbies in your room and you cried for a week when your father came home drunk. She knows your Mom can cook and you “came this close” to hurting your cousin for taking you there.
Most recall a time at school once a friend we tended to be trustworthy established loose lips. It cut like a knife, which is when the creation of a mask starts. The “you” you’re not willing to let the world see, this is what happens in a marriage.
Wearing a Mask Carries Over into Marital Intimacy.
You hide behind a mask, thinking you are happier as a result of you won’t trust your better half or anyone else for that matter. However, you tend to lose a lot. If nobody is aware of the trouble you are in, you deny your spouse or others the opportunity to minister to you and keep you responsible. You miss the excellent counsel of mature Christians, not to mention their prayers.
You don’t want to risk letting your spouse see the bad stuff. If you allow them to see just the right thing – you will ever allow them to see the bad – you are misleading them to thinking that things are always good!
If your spouse accepts you because of the false front you present – then deep down you know it is only the false front they received. The real you will remain alone, and you know it. That is why so many wives who we see as “picture perfect” are struggling with deep insecurities inside.
Regardless of how things start, you want to look at how you can take the mask off and start being real in your marriage.
How Do you Start Improving the Your Marriage Intimacy?
Before you can allow someone to see inside of you, you must accept who you are. If you are not comfortable with who you are on the inside, you will always hide behind a wall. The majority of people live their lives without God until they finally open their spiritual eyes. They are ashamed but feel completely accepted! It is amazing how much God loves and takes us just as we are.
“This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that He loved us..” (1 John 4:9-10 NLT)
God loved us before we ever loved Him. He is the one who initiated our relationship. God did not wait for us to clean up our act so He could love us. We were rotten people with all kinds of emotional baggage and bad habits!
“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners…God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” Romans 5:6-8.
God looked down on us when we were utterly helpless! And He loves us in-spite of where we are in our marriage intimacy.
If we could learn to live our lives through our Heavenly Father’s eyes, we could accept ourselves as imperfect people who serve a perfect God. We will learn to recognize our spouses as a flawed person also. We will be able to take off our masks and allow them to take off theirs.
Let’s Dig Deep Into the Word Intimacy = Into Me See.
How do you respond to your spouse when they are transparent? They are letting it all hang out, with no pretenses or masks? Do you see the negatives and immediately judge them? Do you find yourself secretly wishing that they would be quiet and keep their truth to themselves?
Honestly, I have thought that! Sometimes it is just easier to not see inside of our spouse! But that is just selfishness. That is not the heart of our Father in heaven. He sees inside of all of us and loves us anyway in spite of our imperfections, and He wants us to do the same with our spouse.
Next time your spouse comes along with no masks on, with their emotions and negative traits hanging out, take time to listen to them. Look them in the eye and consider everything about them that drives you crazy, Now love them, because God does in spite of their inperfections.
Then go to the bathroom and look yourself in the eye. Don’t start thinking “Well, at least I don’t go around like that!” or “I’m not so bad compared to that.” That will ruin everything. No, look and see the real you. See you that is most definitely not perfect, just like your spouse is not perfect!
Now love yourself.
It will be a freeing experience for you. You will be on the way to accepting yourself and your spouse for who you both are if you take the mask off!
If you have a hard time loving yourself due to the mask you are living behind, it’s time to get help from someone that you can trust, maybe a Pastor or a Christian counselor for starters. If you have been wearing a mask for a long time, you might need to seek professional help. Whatever you do don’t take steps backward keep moving forward!
In the past, I had shared my insecurities with people who in turn used them against me. I have shared my dreams with people, and they had teased me on numerous occasions. I have reached out in friendship to only to be rejected. I won’t lie. It hurts. But for every time that I am hurt, I have a long list of times God has blessed me. I have built a friendship with my husband that I would never have imagined. I have been amazed to see God use my testimony to strengthen my marriage and give another woman hope.
Intimacy is for you and your spouse, and you should be able to lay your heart bare to them.
It’s not healthy to not be able to share with your spouse openly. Your ties with your spouse should be so close that you can go to them with anything without feeling condemned or judged. Also, you should be able to enjoy spending time with your spouse because you share the same interests or values. You should be able to talk to your spouse about anything! It’s not crucial that you are intimate with a lot of people, just that you are experiencing intimacy with your spouse!
A marriage should not be something that comes and goes!
If you look back, you’ll see people who have significantly impacted your life. Many of them are not in your life today because they had to move on. I believe God does this to keep us from leaning too much on others so that we will lean on Him for our marriage! Instead of becoming insecure and afraid to invest ourselves in our marriage, I have come to see these individuals as a gift from God for a season in life to make me a better wife!
You see, our very best friend can be Jesus. Our spouse often makes mistakes, but God never does. You can always rely on Him. Regardless of what happens He won’t betray your trust or makes fun of you. He still has a listening ear and gives you good advice. He always builds you up and never tears you down. He invites you into uninhibited intimacy with Him. He knows your heart, and He longs for you to understand His. It is a relationship that can never be taken from us by distance or death. It is a forever love that will sustain us through everything, even the tough times in our marriage.
If you don’t know Jesus in this way, I want to invite you to get to know Him today because He will keep you even when you don’t feel safe being intimate with your spouse! It all starts with a prayer.
Dear Jesus, I’m not perfect. I mess up all the time. I’m not living my life the way that I should. I believe what the Bible says about You and me. Because of my sin, I cannot get to heaven on my own, but You came to make way for me. You lived a perfect life, died on the cross to pay for my sins, rose again and live today in heaven. I ask You to forgive me, Jesus and cleanse my heart of the wrong that I’ve done. I ask You to save me and take me to heaven with You when I die. Thank You for being my Savior. Please help me to live my life without masks in my marriage. Help me to get to know You as my very Best Friend. Amen.
Wherever you live, there are still some great churches nearby that you can attend that teach the word of God and support marriages. Tell someone there that you prayed to accept Jesus and you want to know everything there is to know about Him and how He can help your marriage intimacy look like his relationship with the church.